The loss of a baby is an indescribable pain at any time of the year. However, there are certain trigger points when no matter how much you’ve tried to accept and live with this pain, it may all come flooding back. This is perfectly normal and acknowledging these triggers and confronting them is part of the road to recovery. Special times of the year such as Christmas will be more challenging as they are normally family centric events and you will perhaps be thinking what it would have been like, but maybe the hardest of all the celebrations can be Mother’s Day. Although Mother’s Day can feel extremely raw, everyone else will still be celebrating it and it isn’t going to go away. You’ll probably want to acknowledge it in some way with your own mum too.
Remember that you will always be a Mummy
No matter how long ago, or at what stage your little one passed, you will still always be his or her Mummy. You created their life and took care of them until they were ready to go. You had a bond like no other and you have every right to celebrate the achievement of being a Mother as much as you have a right to mourn your loss no matter what day of the year it is.
If you feel that you need to be alone on Mother’s Day or spend it just with your partner, try to let your friends and relatives know this in advance so that you don’t get any surprise interruptions. They’ll completely understand your reasons.
If you feel that you want to celebrate Mother’s Day with other Mummies, or your own Mum, then just remember that although you feel fine there may be some triggers that upset you. Maybe spending some time with your thoughts and your happy memories with your baby, or even having a good cry beforehand, will help you feel more prepared to enjoy the day.
Keeping the memories close
You will of course never forget your little angel. You may have some little reminders such as clothes, blankets, hospital bracelets and of course the photos that you like to turn to for comfort at times when you feel you need happy memories or to feel close.
Perhaps you light a candle sometimes, say a prayer or talk to the stars. Whichever way you turn, sadly you can’t be with them all the time or take these items around with you.
Of course each of us is different in how we handle loss; we all have different friends and family dynamics and some of us have more support than others. Just remember you’re not alone and if you feel lonely, there are plenty of groups on social media and mummy networking sites for you to chat with people in the same boat.